"working on my faults and cracks..."

Showing posts with label japanese girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label japanese girl. Show all posts

2.13.2009

red scarf red flag

I'm sure that anyone who has ever had a commute can attest to at least once, recognizing, then becoming distantly familiar with the people they commute with--a familiarity which eventually changes our perceptions about those people to a point where we begin to acknowledge their existence as actual characters, and more than just set-pieces to our own lives.

Myself included, I've gleaned stories from silently observing almost everyone I've ever shared a commute with in my time here. Like the sweaty, suit & tie samurai whose crazed ten-speed tore headlong down the wrong side of the street, ridden by a demon fifteen minutes late for a rendezvous with Japanese Lucifer. His polar opposite; a plump, stern-faced woman who wobbled her lazy mamachari up the sidewalk. Rain or shine, summer or winter, always clad in the same green spotted apron and faded pink blouse. Without a doubt, a local middle school cafeteria lady if I ever knew one. Both characters visually ripe with enough backstory for me to conjure up on my 20 minute ride to Handa Mountain.

But then there came "red scarf." I was never able to give Her a story.

She was always on the last train home. 11:55 from Kurashiki, on the Sanyo. Without fail, every Friday night, for nearly six months. Always boarded from the same place at the end of the platform, standing quietly nearest the doors, burgundy lips pursed as she stared blankly ahead out the window at the scattered glow of the passing countryside. Raven hair always pulled taut and pinned back, slim black overcoat stopped just shy of brown leather knee-high boots. And wrapped around her neck, always a red scarf. Burberry if I had to guess. 

The colors of her character's existence in my commute created something of an anomaly--a subtle hiccup in this gray concrete matrix of Japanese life. It wasn't the ambiguity of her dress or the way she maintained a total disconnect to the floor she stood on. And it wasn't a typical world weariness for her young age either--something I've grown accustomed to witnessing in this country where 80 hour workweeks are the norm. Her baggage was different. Not Coach, not Marc Jacobs, but rather the palatable air of sadness she carried with her.

When my position at school shifted early last year, I was forced to cut back on my non-contractual obligations. Since the Kurashiki private lessons were the first to go, so went the weekly Kurashiki commute, and any other chances of finally understanding what this strangely emotionless character could see in the lights beyond the window.  

And then out of pure coincidence last night, I saw her again, but on an entirely different 'last train.' This one, hundreds of kilometers, and dozens of stations away from where she always got off. This time, neither expressionless nor alone. In the same coat, boots, and scarf, she was at the arm of an elderly, well-dressed gentleman who led her carefully by the hand down the shinkansen aisle. He finally chose an empty row of seats in the back of the car. They both seemed happy. Him, perhaps more than she.
Suddenly, a small fragment of her elusive story made sense.  

It was the first time I ever saw her smile.


"Small world," they'd all just say.

5.20.2008

buxom hippies take note


The one true path to harassing whaling ships and obnoxious treehouse protests should start here.

Now, we just have to find an environmentally friendly way to tackle your hairy armpits.

12.06.2007

The DI tries to show his soft side...
...Fails miserably


News In Briefs
WYWS Edition

* If Shibata sensei's phone rings that stupid goddamn pop song one more time today, I'm going to stuff it down his gaping, buck-toothed maw the moment he gets back in from volleyball practice. Pretty sure the only reason he doesn't know how to properly turn the ringer off, is because he still hasn't gotten over making phone calls with a soup can and a piece of twine.

* I'd like to say something about recent gas prices all around the world.
It has been 11 months since I last bought gas, and let me tell you, trying to find a use for all this extra money lying around totally sucks. I think it's high time I own a sombrero.

* The fifth "Go-En" episode is coming very soon. It would have been sooner, but my geriatric iBook is systematically sabotaging the audio editing process, by mixing up/accidentally deleting/sending to Korea some very key clips that I guess we're just going to have to live without. Stay tuned though. I'm trying extra hard to be funny this time.

* I caught one of my students yesterday eating his glasses. Yep. Chewing on the lenses. With his teeth. This is the same village idiot whom I once tried to spite by asking him to spell "boy" in a classroom game. To spite me back, he spelled it incorrectly.
I've got the Diet Building in Tokyo on line three--let's tell them to call off the "Future Leaders of Japan" search in Okayama.

* It's easy to be frustrated in a foreign country. Easy to nitpick, easy to find things to whine about, or resent. At its very core though, a nation or a culture, is still the sum of the people that define it. The very kinds of people that are quickly forgotten in isolated moments of frustration. Why then, is it so often that a nation is defined by its idiotic minority? Because the voice of discontent never fails to ring the loudest.
Anyway, to earn back some of my lost karma over the last few weeks months of admittedly negative posts (and for any future posts as well), I'd just like to say that there are still people here, a part of the Japanese majority, that I admire to no end, like:

  • The middle-aged couple whom every Sunday morning, walks brisk laps around Undou Park in their flannel shirts and khaki bucket hats. The husband is actually blind, so they walk side-by-side, hands joined by a small red baton. Their pace isn't always even, and their path isn't always straight, but their faces never hide the fact that they love doing it.

  • The crossing guard at the top of the school escalator who, every morning, greets every single student who comes to school with an unfailing smile, and a throaty "ohayou gozaimasu!" That's like going out every morning, rain or shine, saying "good morning," and actually meaning it 1500 times. The dude's a champion.

  • All the fathers who teach their daughters how to ride the unicycle down by the stadium. Little J-girls, far too adventurous for handlebars or brakes, teeter precariously on a single pink and white wheel, while the father stands at the ready to catch their fall. It's especially warming, because it's not a special case. On any given sunny weekend, there could be as many as a half a dozen dedicated fathers, out and about with their fearless unicycle-riding daughters. Why the unicycle? I'm not quite sure actually. Because it's Japan? An expected rite of Japanese female passage perhaps? First you like Anpanman, then you ride the unicycle, then you buy a training bra, then you find a boyfriend and wait around for him to move out of his parents' house so you can get married and grind out some babies.

Ah. I see what just happened there.

Can I at least keep my karma and that last sentence?
No? Damn.

11.02.2007

The game is afoot


First graders Hikaru and Miho, who are not surprisingly,
much cuter outside of class.


Bit of a mystery...these kids.

9.28.2007

Gaijin Whorage II


So this is where the J-magic happens.

I was adjusting the sleeves on my lab coat in front of the bedroom's wall mirror--a large, opulent device performing its reflective duties in full view of the grand poster bed, and teal pool glow. While the director and crew went over shot placement and set up studio lights and camera booms, I casually fiddled with the soft pink dimmers, and browsed the sex toy catalog on the marble coffee table. It was all just too funny. As I was playing with the dimmers on the room light, pretending I was on the holodeck of some starship brothel, a portly audio tech wobbled in with a wireless mic in his hands, and a puzzled expression on his face.

So, we were shooting the experiment's re-enactment at a pool after all. It just so happened to be that the most feasible place in Osaka to shoot a pool scene, was in a typical Japanese love hotel.
Where people pay for a themed room in which to have sex.
It's a simple concept really. Take your lover / hooker / best friend's wife to the hotel, press the button of the room you want, slide your money under the opaque teller's window, and then head upstairs to pound the morning / afternoon / night away. Or just the hour--depending on how much money you think sex with...
[ please choose from the following: ] is worth.*

[A] ...somebody you just met
[B] ...somebody wearing a schoolgirl's uniform
[C] ...-out waking the entire neighborhood
[D] ...someone on a Hello Kitty-shaped bed

We were in the master suite on the roof. The most decadent of all rooms in this silly den of iniquity. The Flava-Flav royal honeymoon suite, towering above an entire hotel of lesser honeymoon suites. While this particular one had an "island resort" theme to it, I've since heard of other themes involving certain cartoon characters, hospitals, classrooms, medieval castles, pirate ships, the Taj Mahal, and other such exotic getaways.

The shallow pool lay under a massive, retractable moon roof, and ran the entire length of the suite, with full two-way windows into the bedroom, shower room, and adjacent sauna. How the camera crew planned to keep television audiences from seeing the palm trees and sandy beach slide show projected along the walls, I had no idea. But I wanted to believe they could. Just as I wanted to believe that the pool had been thoroughly flushed and refilled since its last "use." The professor Cussler stand-in seemed terribly concerned that props would be putting gel or syrup into the pool he'd soon be swimming in, to most faithfully recreate the experiment. So we're standing waist-deep in a pool attached to a suite in an Osaka hotel tailored towards having as much fantasy animal sex in as short a time as possible, and he's concerned about touching a little jello?? His wife must be a Japanese nun.
Silly me. Here, I was contracting an advanced strain of scabies just from the uncomfortable thought of what people had been doing a few hours before, in the very spot I had been instructed to leave my socks. I know how to say "I only touched the doorknob" in Japanese, but I've yet to learn "Does this look infected?" or "Will it fall off?" Sure, I had my lab coat, and all three of my lines memorized, but I still felt woefully unprepared.

Later that evening, while scrubbing my hands and face with toilet cleaner and burning my socks, I wondered how places like this managed to exist within a country globally reputed for being sexless and reserved. But maybe love hotels function for a different purpose--rather, not for killing a quick hour, or getting back at an old ex, but instead, a higher calling:

Little Shinichiro: "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
Mommy: "Well honey, when two people love each other very much, and are dressed up as pirates..."

So this is why the birth rate is so low? My grand J-train epiphany that night in front of the sink:
The trouble it takes to produce optimal circumstances required for copulation in Japan far outweighs the benefit. That, being a child.
Or something.

Aah shit, that wasn't very intelligent.




* Kindly feel free to insert** your own "bang for your buck" pun in the comments.

** Heh heh heh. "Insert."

8.03.2007

Prose Before Hos


"How tall are you?"

"Is your hair natural?"

"...American size?"



All questions I'm used to hearing, but the one that really boils my blood happens when some rotted snaggletooth at the bar ashes his fifth cigarette of the hour and leans in close. I'm not sure what's worse; the expectant question burning on his one-track mind, or the greasy fried fish and cheap shochu on his breath, staining the smug grin spread across chapped, smoker lips.
Aww shit. He asks anyway.

"Dsu yuu raiku zha Jyapaneezu gyaru?"

I've come to accept that this creepy old fart, and others like him aren't putting in an inquiry to my personal opinion, as their tone does not belie their intentions; rather, they are making an affirmation-seeking question that Japanese girls are somehow different and therefore better than the women from anywhere else in the world. Sure, I know they're often just curious about what I think, or that they may have a "cute friend" who is "interested in studying English" blah blah blah. But come on Japan, kind of a stupid question isn't it? I mean, what do you think of American girls--with their long legs and pointy noses? Well then, what do you think of Mexican girls or Russian girls? Or what about mermaids or female blood elves? I mean, cripes people, what do you expect me to say? And since when did my opinion on something so trivial ever matter? Would you be so disappointed to hear that I think they're just regular girls? Contrary to the stereotypes you've led yourselves to believe, Japanese girls are not all that different from the girls anywhere else on this planet. Some of them are infinitely sweet, and some of them make Ann Coulter look like Mother Theresa. Some of them are fashion divas, and some of them think that Versace is a hidden character in Kingdom Hearts. Some of them are a bit chubby, and some of them wouldn't know a curry doughnut if it bit them in the ass. Some of them are 40 year-old virgins, and some of them already have a steady boyfriend. And point cards for his dad's friends. Some of them are under 5 feet tall...and uh...some of them are uh...hmm...Well, never mind.
Anyway, you get the idea. Your women are not anomalies of the spectrum, they are just a part of it, like everybody else. Ad nausem.

So, with the exception of the outdated uniform practices (which is more likely than not, directly related to a certain 'societal' epidemic), I shouldn't be expected to have more of an opinion on Japanese girls than I do for canned cafe mocha, bamboo staves, sticky notes, or arroz con pollo for crissakes.

But for every drunken salaryman, every sneering college kid, and every well-meaning buddy back home, rather than give them the satisfaction of the answer they so desire, I have compiled a short list of ambiguous and generic responses based on a small sampling of firsthand cultural experience, which I plan to employ the next time one of you reprobates deem it necessary to hijack my worthless opinions. Interpret at will.


So Japan, you wanna know what I think? Fine.
Well, for starters, I think...

* I think "cute" is great fun to admire from afar. But also, the hollow shell on the seed of vapid attraction, and thus is not an acceptable epicenter of fashion, or beauty.

* I think the best way to meet a girl in Japan is to either teach her English, buy her a drink in some pathetic gaijin bar, or to run her over at a crosswalk with your bicycle. I think these are not acceptable options.

* I think brown hair is a neon billboard for insecurity.

* I think powder blue pumps are a stupid choice for a girl to wear with red overalls. Actually, I think anything is a stupid choice to wear with overalls, unless you're a plumber, or planning to attend a benefit dinner for the blind.

* I think the train is not an appropriate place to put on one's face--regardless of how much makeup is used.

* I think each Cecil McBee mini-skirt purchase should include complimentary designer pepper spray, because if your trendy women aren't going to take responsibility for dressing to a 'role', they need to at least be aware that Japan is not as safe as everybody wants to think it is.

* I think a smile is a terrible thing to waste behind a handkerchief. I know it's a modesty issue, but 1707 was like a million years ago.

* I think oral communication via shrieking, chirping, whimpering, squealing, or any other form of auditory diarrhea not found in a proper dictionary, is for dolphins.

* I think there is more to life than Disneyland.

* I think there is more to life than babies. Especially those from a foreigner.

* I think one should learn how to properly speak one's own native language before setting foot in a foreign language.

* I think I could die a happy man if I never had to hear pigeon-toeing high heels echo down a hollow subway stairwell again.

* And lastly, I think it's sad when a disproportionately large proportion of a certain demographic opt to value superficial status in handbags, kawaii, boyfriends, English, English-speaking boyfriends, kawaii English-speaking boyfriends, kawaii English-speaking boyfriends that buy them handbags, etc., over sexier alternatives like one's own 'personality', 'opinion', and 'creativity'.



Yes Japan, that's right. And no, you can put that away--I don't think "oh snap" is going to be in your electronic dictionary.

But as a whole Japan, while I agree that you and all the residents on your tiny island are very uniquely Japanese, I think all these stereotypes ('moe' and 'OL' expectations, anyone?) you expect me to buy into are very uniquely bullshit representations of a greater global populace; your girls are still just girls, Tokyo is still just a city, and your island is still just an island.
So, as I hop down from my soapbox, how about we get your girls off their ridiculous pedestals and go back to ordering me another gin & tonic eh?
Yes, with lime.

C-c-c-combo breaker!

4.14.2007

Glosse Point Brank


9:35pm
I have finished playing Resistance: FOM while waiting for clips to upload into iMovie, and decide to change my shirt before going to the party. I hate my hair, so it is punished by a hat.

10:10pm
I arrive late but it matters little. The band has still not yet started playing to the mostly male crowd. I exchange Asian high-fives with several friends of mine, and remind myself that I am not in a gay bar. I order a beer.

10:18pm
The sausage party streak is finally broken. Three more girls arrive, order drinks, but flee to the back of the bar. My beer is not amused.

10:25pm
The band takes the stage and introduce themselves. "Solid Gold Sex Toy": an aging hippy guitarist with a superiority complex, his loyal disciple--an awkward and toothless hippy wannabe saxophone player, and then their recently added bass guitarist--a sweaty and overenthusiastic fan of the two. I order a Myers rum and coke, and wait for the rest of the minstrels to arrive. Or a jester. That'd be sweet.

10:29pm
They do not arrive. The 'band' begins to play. Much to my disappointment, this is not a joke.

10:52pm
Aging hippy has a surprisingly good voice, and is no slouch on the guitar. My face is already warm. The girl sitting across from me is now drop-dead sexy. I am like a kindergartner after two helpings of communion--a pitiful drunk. Awkward disciple hippy stumbles through the first chapter in "10 Easy Saxophone Lessons". Bass guitarist is still sweaty.

11:16pm
Local Anti-Hero skating, trouser-snake waving, loud-mouth hellion 'Jiro' arrives, sheepishly apologizes for already being drunk, then loudly orders a beer. The sausage party has a new king. Hippy band appears mildly deterred by the upstage, but continues to play anyway.

11:19pm
I proudly finish my rumcoke, and order a gin and tonic. Jiro orders his third beer, throws the horns, and begins to scream "HEEEEAAAVY MEEEETAL", much to the delight of the crowd, but chagrin of the mild-mannered minstrels who are now fighting a losing battle for the bedpost rights of the four remaining females. The traveling circus announces the end of their "first set." I am annoyed at the discovery of sitting through another set.

11:26pm
Aging hippy strikes up conversation. Eyeing the girl across from me, he requests a manual for hitting on Japanese girls. I recall him seeking "groupies, not girlfriends" unquote. Toothless disciple stands within earshot to take notes. My gintonic begins to sarcastically recite lines from "40 Year Old Virgin." Hippies are not amused. They leave to go find inspiration for their next set. Have a sneaking suspicion that 'inspiration' = 'weed.'

11:49pm
Despite taunting from the crowd to flash his nether parts, Jiro does not oblige, instead launching into a beer-soaked rendition of 'Werucahm tsu zah Jyangaru.' It is an appropriate compromise. I decide to name my firstborn after him.

12:06am
Royal hotness is now talking to the local fixie shop owner. He is a pretty good guy. I surrender my empty glass at the bar and leave to go get an ice cream stick. Somewhere along the way, I stopped at my apartment and fell asleep.
Mercy kill, thank god.

2.17.2007

English translation on the sainthood applications?

My time and regular internet access in Shizuoka ends tomorrow. I'm mostly ok for that, because it has been a boring four days here. Plus, I can't afford replacing a hotel television thrown through the wall--which I'm about four or five hours away from doing. So I lounge around in the room in my underwear, listening to angry music and eating ice cream sandwiches, simply for lack of anything better to do. I'm not worried about my physical condition--I ran 10 kilometers yesterday and averaged under 4 min/km. That might be good, but I'm not sure. Ignorance is bliss, so if you speak 'metric', enlighten me.

I unfortunately missed the massive Okayama naked festival this weekend. It was something I was particularily looking forward to--not participating (tattoos are not allowed in the mayhem), but just watching all the naked assholes tussle about. It looked like fun.
Maybe next year.

So for my last night in this boring town, I went out with several of the teachers from the school where I was observing all week. Two of them were typical hockey and outdoors-loving Canadians, and the other was a giant New Zealander named Angus (whom I prayed would get irresponsibly drunk and start breaking shit. He did not. I was disappointed). Anyway, they tossed around words at school like "bollocks, eh," and "fahckin' rahbbish." It sounded like fun, so I obliged to go along. After eating our metric weights in yakitori and fried chicken, we ended up going to some random foreigner bar in Numazu, which is where I at last felt comfortable making my first sweeping generalization from all my experiences in Japan:

Foreigners in Japan are assholes retards idiots pathetic.

With The Spy Who Shagged Me setting the awkward mood on a bigscreen television, the bar was poorly staffed, poorly stocked, poorly priced, poorly lit, and filled entirely with balding, lovesick, 30-somethings drinking Zima, fugly Japanese girls who apparently love English speakers wearing Head and Shoulders, and then a small mob of drunken, angry Australians, whom are always pissed off, from what I was told. Anyway, seeing all these people mingling about under blacklights made for a particularily depressing environment, but a solid approximation of these types of establishments. Thankfully, we cut out early (they all work tomorrow) and headed home when the guys began to optimistically reflect on their chances with several of the aforementioned girls on the dance floor. Quite good, I wanted to add, but only because those girls were there to stamp blue passports--if it were desperate enough. And believe me, most of the sad-sack passports in there were pretty goddamn desperate.

Anyway, my bottom line is this: if there are non-natives in Japan who are conducive to the promotion of a healthy, non-homogenized international society in Japan, I have yet to meet a single one. And drinking watery Japanese beer in an English-speaking singles pub waiting for "Piano Man" to come on doesn't count. Fair dinkum, no?

10.30.2006

Cyndi Lauper's version sucks

Saori was nice enough to make the trek to visit a couple of weekends ago. This would be our first ever music video, and given the circumstances and equipment available, I think it went quite swimmingly. Give it a second to buffer, forgive the crappy quality, and see what you think.



*UPDATE 11/1*

So yeah, with help from Saori and a gorillapod tripod, I shot this project on my Sony Cybershot hybrid. It records in stereo MPEG4 which imports well into most video software, which, in this case, was iMovie for Mac. We shot it over the course of three or four hours, after which I went back and shot some inserts a few days later. I then did almost 100% of the assembly while at work. This Friday's paycheck is the fruits of my labor. Fantastic. Am I really a translater?
Anyway, I dunno...it's a pretty decent camera, but it suffers from lack of image stabilization--most of which can be atributed to the suspension on my shitty car. Works exceptionally well as a casual point-and-shoot though.
At any rate, I think it turned out fairly well for a first offering.

*UPDATE 3/20*

This video has exceeded 12,000 views on YouTube. I am shocked. I even got an email the other day from some random guy that I met two years ago, who was confirming if that was indeed me in the video. Wow.

*UPDATE 5/22*

In hindsight, had I known the video would have cleared 30,000 Youtube views, I probably wouldn't have been so open about disclosing such an uncomfortable reality in my personality. This reality being, that I was a shitty boyfriend.

*UPDATE 8/5*

Holy shit. These 100,000 people probably have no idea it wasn't just for show.

*UPDATE 11/15/07*

From the day I originally posted it, I never expected any sort of response of this magnitude. Somewhere around 20,000 views, I started wondering when, or if, this would actually happen. Took about a year, and 300,000 more views, but it's nice to see that the actual band finally got around to it. Thanks guys.

*UPDATE 2/24/08*

On the eve of 500,000 views, I got this message from a fellow YouTube member who had a chance to catch QD over the weekend:

Anyway... The show rocked. Not only did I get to meet them, I got to eat dinner with them and party after the show. They're amazing people! I brought up your video and Kevin said he wanted to check it out and Droo freaked and said "WHAT!? You haven't seen it!? It fucking owns!" It made me a little disappointed that they knew about it and still have their sad excuse of a video...
Shit yeah.
Many thanks to Ms. Supremacy.

*UPDATE 1/24/09*

Well, I expected it to happen at some point, but I just didn't know when. Would have been nicer if Warner had let me clear one million views before bringing down the "copyright infringement" hammer. Nice run while it lasted though--the video that got me into videos.
Thanks for watching while you had the chance.

 
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