the worst review you've ever read

The long-winded and preachy 60+ minute ending for Metal Gear Solid 4 finally came to a close late last night. Nearly every bit as good as the rest of the raving gaming community has loudly concurred for the last month and a half. Despite MGS being one of my favorite franchises of all time, I'm still ever wary of the almighty hype machine. So while there were certain irritating aspects of the game where I felt it didn't quite live up to the heaps of praise bestowed in one of the many perfect review scores, there was still a single moment--a brief sequence in the game that overshadowed three years' worth of uncertainty, hype, and expectation, and cemented itself as one of those unforgettable life-altering moments wherein some people experience a kind of personal zen--an emotional high, or spiritual "first."

Some might claim such a moment as having been their first kiss, standing on the alter at their own wedding, giving birth to their first child, or maybe finally seeing the Pope in flesh. Still others might recall a certain "first" after watching Phoebe Cates step out of the pool in Fast Times. Not limited to single lifetime milestones though, even driving by a Krispy Kreme and seeing the 'Hot Doughnuts Now' sign, might also be enough to elicit the same cluster of emotions in some.

So rather than try to defend Hideo Kojima for his questionable design choices, I'm willing to simply forgive the various shortcomings in Metal Gear Solid 4; namely its redundant melodrama, perversion with toilet humor, Meryl's questionable taste in men, the diapered monkey, and Snake's cop out twist ending, all on the grounds that the 2.5 minute sequence leading up to the Outer Haven server room now joins the ranks on my official list, among "first time I heard Quiet Things...," "landing my first ollie," and "seeing Natalie Portman up on the big screen in Phantom Menace."

It was that good.

El fine

calling all skeletons

News In Briefs
WYWS Edition

* Contrary to certain assumptions regarding my infrequent updates as of late, I have not spent the last 9 days in front of the television, playing, then re-playing Metal Gear Solid 4 (with its staggering level of variety), although that would have been nice. It's that good. I live close enough to readily available energy drinks and melon pan. Could probably hold out for months if the game was long enough.

The Brazilian and American students have moved with the KAKE program to Hiroshima and Kyushu, so I am left in peace and quiet for a few days or so. Three weeks of moving in and out of my apartment without actually living in it, has left everything in a catastrophic state of disarray. Spent the morning picking up clothes, doing laundry, scrubbing dishes, and clearing space for Boston.

* Finally had a chance to put the new MacLappy through its paces with Final Cut--should hopefully have some experimental video short out at some point before I make tracks for summer vacation. Still have some nice leftover time-lapse footage from my vacation in Hawaii. Unfortunately leftovers will have to do, as I haven't had a chance to pick up my camera for over a month now.

* One of my second-graders was kind enough to point out that I was in flagrant violation of Okayama city law for riding my bike while holding an umbrella in the rain last night. This, after we were passed by a college student riding a unicycle while talking on her cell phone, eating a giant wad of cotton candy, and painting her nails.

It would seem that irony is not the only thing entirely lost on the Japanese.

* I now have an urgent appointment at the bike shop. Must go. Leaving you with a recent photograph and a few hurried incomplete sentences instead. Hiked fifty billion stairs to the top of Konpira san, to retrieve a few of our more adventurous yet wayward students.
Snapped photo to justify the headache.

They call it "mini Fuji." Rightfully so.

on my own time

News In Briefs
WYWS Edition

* So we've arrived at a new layout for the blog. Finally stopped tweaking it, so I guess this is where we get off the train.
Anyway, hopefully, future posts will take us toward some semblance of structured thought provocation regarding life in Japan, and the mess that aspiration and direction have become as of late. Until whenever that may be, I'm content making poop jokes and writing vapid posts like this one.

* I'm currently not working very hard on putting together another schizophrenic installment in the Go-En series. I haven't recently had a lot of time to dick around in Okayama with my camera as much as I used to, but a lot of people have been asking for more of me pretending to enjoy life here, so I'm willing to compromise. Besides, I have some sweet unused footage of a Japanese dude wearing a green Borat banana hammock.

* Finally caved and sold back my Guitar Hero III out of pure disgust. Entirely out of protest, I chose not to finish it. And yes, I was only two songs from the end. It became a battle of me versus the shitty craftsmanship on a guitar that worked only 50% of the time. The other 50%, it sabotaged my progress by cutting out on long notes, and not registering on others. It made full combos impossible, and ensured failure against the Lou boss battle (thanks to the idiotic new powerup system).
I suppose I could have taken advantage of the in-box warranty, and gone through another round of Japanese customer service hell for a new one, but I'm done with GHIII and all its hastily tacked-on elements. Thanks to a humiliating note assist system, the contrived boss battles, and the unnecessary in-game sponsorship from Axe deodorant spray, it's the chili cheese skid mark on the otherwise squeaky clean pair of rockstar underpants that is the GH series.
So, I'm already warily looking forward to GHIV and its touted "create a song" features, by which Activision will hopefully rise from the ashes of their shitty craftsmanship and redeem themselves. I'm skeptical though--the magic of the first two games disappeared when Activision realized that from the rock they had just smote, flowed not water, but a raging torrent of cash.

* I'm not sure how hard it's getting pushed in the states, but the anticipation in Japan for Metal Gear Solid 4 is reaching a near-solid state of palpability. Trailers like these are doing little to quell the increasingly cramped quarters in my pants.

* One of the younger, more attractive teachers on our floor has really short hair. It should also be noted that I have a strange attraction to short hair. I pay close attention to these things. So you could imagine my surprise when she showed up one morning early last week, short black hair suddenly having sprouted rogue ponytails. Two of 'em. Smallish buggers--almost as though she had borrowed the "party in the back" section of an adolescent mullet while he slept, then fashioned it into two little extensions. Some days, she wears it. Other days, she ties it into a single tail, and lovingly drapes it over her right shoulder. Still on other days, it's completely gone. Not quite as obvious as a balding man who drops his toupee into a bowl of tomato soup, but still obvious enough for me to keep score on which days she wears them, and which days she does not.
My theory is that it makes her feel young and nubile again, after having just hammered out a 50 pound doodoo machine.

* No, "doodoo" is not hyphenated.
Yes, I checked.