"working on my faults and cracks..."

9.05.2008

the DI tries game reviewing: fails miserably

For lack of a better videogame first-person shooter analogy, if Halo was your first girlfriend: that moderately attractive runner-up freshman prom queen whose idea of a wild time was playing euchre over Smirnoffs at her parent's split level in Toledo, then Call of Duty 4 would be her socialite turned supermodel cousin who blitzkriegs your man-parts and whisks you away at the only speed she knows, but that speed is lightning. She would only take you to one place, but that place is awesome. And no sooner do you start wondering how much longer your balls will be able to withstand her merciless onslaught, she dies of an accidental cocaine overdose. Then you learn she's actually a robot.

So is there a lesson in videogame design in this? Why yes, with the right bit of nipple twisting, I do believe there just might be.

Carefully scripted events and a mountain of watercooler moments piled into extravagant set pieces, no matter how epic, do not a good game make. Enjoyable? Yes. Memorable? Very yes. But worth taking to IHOP for breakfast the next morning? No. Worth taking anywhere else after that? Unfortunately, no, again.

DI verdict on Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare:
Stick with the almost-prom queens. They make better soccer moms.

6 contributions to this piece:

Tera said...

hey hey..it's me, maria...I haven't been on aim (kinda deleted it from my computer for a bit--definitely think I have some sort of bug goin' on.). Anyway--I started this blog a while back out of randomness--I usually don't keep up with things (i.e. facebook, etc). Anyway--I remembered you had a blog and thought I'd try to keep in contact with ya:) Hope things are well in J-land.

Maria (oh, and yes, the blog has a pseudonym -- mehehehe...doesn't that make me oh-so-very-mysterious?)

Seth said...

You're such a hater ;)

Dagbert said...

Don't get me wrong, this game blew me away, but after I'd found my face, and screwed my taint back in, I couldn't help feeling like I had just got taken. It was either too long for a movie, or too short for a game, but there were times during it where it felt like it couldn't decide between the two. Annoying.

Chernobyl mission should go down in gaming history. Epic.

The Fonz said...

When I grow up, I hope to write analogy's half as great as yours.

Your analogys are what bear-blasting is to other sports
;)

Dagbert said...

When I grow up, I hope bear-blasting becomes a sport.

Seth said...

Yeah, Chernobyl was pretty freaking amazing... Though it is insanely difficult to complete the last bit on the hardest difficulty!

 
Copyright 2010 - Powered by Blogger - Header Image: Banksy at Sundance