For lack of a better videogame first-person shooter analogy, if
Halo was your first girlfriend: that moderately attractive runner-up freshman prom queen whose idea of a wild time was playing euchre over Smirnoffs at her parent's split level in Toledo, then
Call of Duty 4 would be her socialite turned supermodel cousin who blitzkriegs your man-parts and whisks you away at the only speed she knows, but that speed is
lightning. She would only take you to one place, but that place is
awesome. And no sooner do you start wondering how much longer your balls will be able to withstand her merciless onslaught, she dies of an accidental cocaine overdose. Then you learn she's actually a robot.
So is there a lesson in videogame design in this? Why yes, with the right bit of nipple twisting, I do believe there just might be.
Carefully scripted events and a mountain of watercooler moments piled into extravagant set pieces, no matter how epic, do not a good game make. Enjoyable? Yes. Memorable? Very yes. But worth taking to IHOP for breakfast the next morning? No. Worth taking anywhere else after that? Unfortunately, no, again.
DI verdict on Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare:
Stick with the almost-prom queens. They make better soccer moms.
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