"working on my faults and cracks..."


The DI's Ten Rules to Keeping With Your Goals

Read my other top ten if you just started running. If you're already in the trenches though, use the following to keep your fanny from going soft:

10. Thou shalt remember that the first three workouts are fun. The next three are hell, and from then on, it will be an "invigorating drag."

9. Thou shalt exercise no fewer than three times per week. Any less, and you are a failure.

8. Thou shalt run where people can see you. For 30 minutes, 5 times a week, you're high on endorphines and they're not. Lazy assholes.

7. Thou shalt embrace your iPod as a close friend, and training partner. It may make you look like a douchebag in the grocery store, but it will save your life in the final 400 meters.

6. Thou shalt make a plan. Whether it's to run 5 miles without stopping, or to just get out five times a week, you have to give yourself something to work toward. Let me repeat myself. Thou shalt make a plan. I cannot stress enough, how important this is.

5. Thou shalt never assume that running two days in a row makes you exempt for three.
Stop being such an underachieving twat.

4. Thou shalt alter your routine. You cannot expect to continue developing results by spending three weeks on the same route, going the same distance, and performing the same reps. Your body will quickly adapt to the predictability, and find ways to cut corners.

3. Thou shalt lie to your body. Plan to run 2 miles, get dressed, stretch, and run three. If your brain expects the "next power line" to be the finish, run five more.

2. Thou shalt not use analogies referring to or containing the seizing of "the day", "bulls" and/or "horns" in vain. These are serious expressions, and not to be carelessly exploited for your pitiful and temporary motivation.

1. Thou shalt overcome temptation. The single hardest part of any workout is lacing up your shoes. Double those knots, and get your lazy arse out the front door.

3 contributions to this piece:

Anonymous said...

Bravo, to both posts.

Kimbrolynn said...

Thou shalt eat melon pans after an intensive run. Must - fool - metabolism - with - chocolatey - goodness.

"Hey mah, how 'bout some melon pan?"
"No dice."
"This ain't ovah."

Valerie said...

So...one of my roommates bought some Spanish pineapple "Pina" soda today, and my other roommate pointed out to me that your last name is pineapple.

And this is what I immediately pictured.

As you can see, I've included your moustachio'd aspiration. Enjoy.

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