"working on my faults and cracks..."


dime in the swear jar

shooty mcshooterson
I'll be the first to admit this isn't much of a game review, considering the multiplatform shooter Bulletstorm was released way back in February of this year - which, in the rapidly evolving world of video games, might as well have been February of 1956. Either way, it matters little - this is simply an observation that couldn't be ignored, after watching the end credits roll. Bulletstorm is at best, an amusing and over-the-top shooter that glorifies defeating one's enemies through somewhat *ahem* unorthodox means. Interestingly enough, despite the game's encouragement of the player to utilize a combination of their imagination with a leash whip, explosive weaponry, and cactus which can be found littered throughout the maps in the game, the most inspired aspect of the game resides in its colorful, and uniquely creative script. It is here, wherein one of the more outspoken characters in the game, voices some of its most inspiring prose, at points in the game calling the player:

* shit whistle
* sushi dick
* fungle rimjob
* prancing geisha

...all the while referring to him as Butterdick Jones, and/or Waggleton P. Tallywhacker, instead of his expectantly gruff, militant surname. These are only a scant few of a whole host of other savory quips that would turn even the face of a sailor's tattoo artist, a vivid hue of rose.

The script is so completely ridiculous, there's a point in the game where another character emphatically warns the protagonist they would "kill his dick" for a certain insubordination. Immediately thereupon the main character nearly broke the third curtain by openly pondering what this could even mean, or how one goes about "killing one's dick," and whether or not this is a metaphorical killing, or something far more sinister and twisted.

It's rare that a video game so openly embraces the archetypes of senseless, cartoonish violence and appallingly infantile and crass writing that their detractors are so fond of calling out, and doing it well. While they are indeed great, it's not the gorgeous visuals, smooth mechanics or the highly-polished execution of Bulletstorm that make it a great game, but rather it's the caricature of those expectations that the game so handily plays itself into, which is what makes it brilliant. Definitely worth a playthrough or three, if only to get a satirical taste for what the world perceives to be the past-times of its youth.
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