Two years ago, it was Cucumber Pepsi, rocking Japanese convenience store shelves, selling out by the chilled neon green caseload, despite tasting like environmentally-friendly glow stick concentrate.
Then last summer, it was another iteration of Cucumber Pepsi, re-tooled and "extra refreshing," because the manager in charge had been allotted too much job security.
Having finally banished him and his pitiful family to Tunisia, this summer, Pepsi has clearly outdone themselves, taking the gloves off and putting down the phone, offering a brand new esoteric, yet entirely region-appropriate carbonated nightmare; the likes of which make even the original cucumber flavor look like some pussy-footing, inbred cousin of Pepsi Co.'s prestigious family of beverages.
Feast your jaded eyes on the newest addition to their metallic summer vegetable soft-drink line:
also moonlights as "beefsteak"
The crowd in attendance gasps.
Then recovers its collective breath, quizzically asking in unison, "what the jolly green giantfuck is shiso?"
Shiso? You know, "perilla?" The same jagged-edged leaf, toxic to some animals, and used in bitter-tasting salads, soups, sashimis, and tempuras (or wherever basil couldn't be found). Strange as it may seem, shiso is clearly the most natural successor to cucumber; a vegetable who wouldn't know how to be interesting or have fun, even if 'fun' was a vagina-shaped summer squash.
So obviously, though I understood that "shiso" was a most dubious choice by Pepsi for a purportedly 'refreshing' summer drink line (this, from an overly glowing press release), what I didn't know, was what it tasted like. Naturally, a taste test was in order. However, since my immature palette has apparently not been the most objective platform for unbiased opinion, I recruited my boy Kaste (resident gearhead reputed for his uncanny enthusiasm in imbibing great quantities of evil liquids) and subjected his grinning mug to the Shiso Pepsi.
The obvious response?
surely, you jest
"Yo get that nasty green shit out of my face."
There you have it--straight from the Japanese horse's mouth.
The prosecution rests.