100 words of poorly translated watercooler advice

"Shibata"

"Coach, I think you'd better consider--"

"Spending more time in the girl's locker room?"

"Um, no. What I meant to say was that I think you should--"

"Order smaller uniforms for the volleyball team?"

"No! I think you should get another dentist!"

"Fire my what?"

"Your dentist. He's been filling your cavities with anchovy paste." 

"Ancho-what?"

"Paste. And capping your teeth with thumbtacks." 

"Tacks?"

"From the staff bathroom corkboard."

"How do you know this?"

"Your toothpaste."

"Oh, my Happy Sparkle Mint Enjoy Together?"

"You mean Vajesta Chip Chutney Extreme? It's axel grease and camembert."

"Wow. Harsh." 

"Yeah...
...Sorry."