"working on my faults and cracks..."


Putting the 'homo' in "homonynm"

...actually has nothing to do with the post.
Thought it sounded funny. Get bent.

A timeless dilemma. Guy loves girl. Girl does not love guy back, yet still leaves blinds open. Guy falls out of tree with pants at half mast.

Ok, so there isn't a tree (that I know of), but I know a dude--a kind of romantically clumsy and lovesick young chap who seems to be torn between powerlessly watching the girl of his dreams from afar as she ignores him, or using a high-powered lens to watch her from much closer through her window as she dresses.
Most hilarious, is how he brings these pent-up frustrations with him to the office. An anal-retentive stickler for grammar (as most skilled Asian ESL speakers can often be), when he's not asking me if I've seen her, what she's been up to lately, or for advice on how to approach her, he often finds the most maddening English questions to ask me during his spare time. Most of them are usually in preparation for gleefully handing his students their asses during a grammar quiz (or perhaps something less innocent), thus he wants to make sure every phrase is connected by the proper clauses, and in the most archaic and diabolical manner possible.

So, the DI's advice?:
Leave "Open the window, won't you?" and "Open the window, will you?" off the goddamn test. Nobody cares about your stupid windows, your epic failure with this chick, or whether or not these cumbersome and unusable sentences are correct. Ain't nobody ever use propah engrish ennyway. Shyaddup.

Ah yes, and you may kindly stop asking me for the grammatical difference between "as she is doing X" and "while she is doing X."
I know, what you're trying to ask, but I have no interest in assuming that you're touching yourself "as she is undressing from the third floor window."
Might want to lay off the unhealthy preoccupation--you're starting to come to work with dark circles around your eyes. Sleep much?
Binocular eyestrain?

1 contributions to this piece:

Valerie said...

Hmmm... I would think "As she's calling the cops" is more grammatically correct than "Dumbass got caught peeping."

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