You've got standards girl, so what the hell are you doing with me?

If you say strawberry is not the best pop tart flavor, I am prepared to fight you. To the death.

Toothpaste in any colors other than green, blue, or white is specifically for your anus. Avoid at all costs.

Equestrian studies is an idiotic major*. Stop lying to yourself.

Between my crappy car not starting, and Matt's crappy car not stopping, we've managed to put together a dynamic duo of automotive sucktitude.

Today's worthless photo is of small Japanese child, in the latter stages of being extremely pissed off.Thanks to Jon Gordon for being a badass photographer. If he had a site, I'd redirect you there. But he doesn't. For the blondes that haven't figured it out by now, click to enlarge.

I don't have a problem with president Bush's policies--my problem is that he is not a giant transforming robot named Optimus Prime. Who the shit voted for Bumblebee anyway?

Thinking about getting a handheld? Get a DS. Anything else is for pretentious failures.

If you wear Axe brand scents, sprays, or gels, it's time you grow the hell up and stop trying to pick up chicks at the "head start" bus stop.

You know what they say about dudes with big feet; they're probably douche bags in big shoes.

Don't forget to tip that guy that squirts the soap on your hands in the fancy bathrooms--because a long time ago, somebody did the same for him. Pick the right academic program* and that just might be you someday.

I think before anyone is allowed to drive a functioning car, they should first be forced to drive some archaic piece of garbage.

If CNN knew that 15 William Hungs would be in the same room, they would have come tonight and split their goddamn sides laughing like schoolgirls.