fever n' ague

Top Ten:
"72 hours previous, in #205"

10. Do you feed a fever and starve a cold, or starve a fever and feed a cold? I'm so bad with idioms, was always one to think that we could spare the child by spoiling the rod. Or some shit.

9. I haven't eaten food in three days, so how is it that my body is still finding substance to jettison? Cripes, was that just birthday cake from 1992? False alarm. Just my left kidney.

8. Being sick in a foreign country is a humbling, emasculating experience. You are powerless to understanding the origins of the virus, and the means to cure it. Was it the escalator or the meat bun? Purple pepto or green gelcaps?

7. Would you rather: have explosive liquid diarrhea for three days straight, throw up constantly for those three days, or intermittently both at the same time, but still be able to eat?

6. Glass Passenger is amazing. It shines even in triplicate, from accidentally having bought it multiple times out of sheer excitement.
Hey iTunes, you can just bill me for the first time please.
Oh and, why you trippin'? October is a big music month. Don't fail me now.

5. While it may be touted as the "chicken soup equivalent for the Japanese soul," I haven't been away from the states long enough to confuse noodles and comforting broth with bland, lukewarm snot poured over rice. I may be jaded, but no thanks.

4. Sarah Palin needs to be interviewed every night from now until the elections, because she's the most painfully entertaining and hilarious thing to hit the internet since "Boom Goes the Dynamite."

3. I feel like a geriatric, wearing dumpy clothes, complaining about achy joints from "the ague," forgetting where I left the expired Ibuprofen, and marveling over the rapidity at which the virus took root.

2. Are those more hunger pangs? Or still pangs of a certain, more 'vile,' persuasion? I think I just might be more confused than my stomach right now.

1. Dear god, purge from me these demons in a manner which does not require me hunched or squatted over the toilet.