"working on my faults and cracks..."


deja somethingrather

The events of today's sunburn workshop dusty bloodsport sports festival were so close to a perfect mimicry of last year's, I would copy and paste the uninspired blog entry for that date, but I'm too lazy to look for it. Instead, I'm providing you with the sloppy bag of arse compiled to illustrate last year's t&f festival. Like a low-quality unionized training video, don't expect this timeless shite to go out of style anytime soon. I mean, with the exception of a few fast kids who got faster, and a few fat kids who got slower, this year's event unfolded almost exactly as last year's did--right down to the overeager pedophile participating in opening warmups, and the same shit-eating third graders eating shit during the heated kibasen rounds. Oh, 'kibasen?' Better known as "The first, and last reason to ever want to attend a Japanese grade school." Three bigger kids triangulate to form a running "chariot," and one little kid wearing a colored hat perches atop a makeshift "saddle" high above the ground between his teammates' linked arms. They then furiously chase the opposing teams around the enclosed area trying to steal...

Know what? Forget it. You don't need a detailed explanation or a picture to illustrate this. Kibasen is awesome as fuck, and that's all you'll ever need to know. It's the one time every year when the teachers are secretly allowed to get their licks in by setting all the bad kids up in hilariously precarious situations ripe with physically scarring lawsuit potential, and then watch with unrestrained delight as the teams make like William Wallace, filling the festive Autumn air with bloodcurdling howls of sprained wrists and broken spines.

Yeah, just like last year--almost to the letter.
Wait, what was just like last year?

* Note to self: "Do not type while dehydrated, sunburned, irate, or inebriated." After this.

2 contributions to this piece:

Seth said...

You were enjoying things so much more back in the time of that video... What happened?

Dagbert said...

Says who?

And is it really that obvious? Maybe I need to tone it down a bit.

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