"Um... You know you're bleeding, right?"
Yeah yeah, I knew I was bleeding. The red mess was hardly subtle, to say in the least. Just my luck; hopped a curb and ended up hitting the pavement harder than I would have liked on the way to the shoot, resulting in a pair of grisly stains on my forearm and jersey. More inopportune timing than anything - thankfully, when my turn came to look at the camera and "not smile," the photog sensibly kept the carnage hidden from the camera lens. And from seeing the results below, I'd say no one's the wiser.
Showing posts with label stereotyping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stereotyping. Show all posts
10.13.2010
9.02.2008
"japan," the metaphor
The following is a hastily assembled list of ten classic stereotypes concerning Japan that I am often asked about [*], or just assumed everyone already assumed. I won't be linking to any factual proof because I'm tired of being at the office, and my experience alone should suffice.
May the glorious DI debunk-athon begin.
10. The Japanese language can be mastered within a few seasons of Naruto
No, it can't.
I'd write more here, but I'd risk wearing out the m, o, r, and n keys on my keyboard.
9. Japanese people never divorce
One in every four couples in 2007 would kindly like to ask if your source was a microfilm from the city library basement.
8. Japanese people never sue
While civil disagreements may have been closed privately in the past, Japanese people love money just like any other country's citizens. It's just gotten easier as of late. The skin of my teeth is most recent proof of this. So of course they'll sue, you naive bimbo.
7. Japanese politicians are notoriously efficient
Careful not to confuse your stereotype with Japan's last two prime ministers, who are both still collecting unemployment checks after prematurely throwing in the towel. Something about a scandal. Or three.
6. All Japanese people are thin and healthy
Also not true. Ever been to Hawaii? The Japanese people there are hu---ge.
5. Japan is very clean
At a street level, yes, it is. But where do those 50 billion annual tons of trash go? Definitely not forming a conga line to the incinerators, or waltzing on the ships to China, that's for sure.
4. Japanese people struggle with "l" and "r" when speaking English
Actually, not a stereotype because they still do. All the time, and it's totally hirarious.
3. Japan is still the "future"
Faltering domestic technology? Disposable prime ministers? Concrete asphyxiation? Economic bankruptcy? "Urban heat island" effect? Baby, the future ain't what it used to be.
2. All Japanese girls are hot
Um, no. Not since Crocs or burlap made it into the fashion 'zines.
1. All Japanese people are, or at some point, were ninjas
I stand corrected again. This one is 100% true.
Ninja folklore notwithstanding, to me, the most amusing thing about this list, is that these are all images of Japan that Japan itself actively advertises and projects onto the rest of the world, who wouldn't know better. Oh, and when I say that these are stereotypes that I've been "[*] asked about," let me clarify--almost all of these are stereotypes that I've been reminded of by Japanese people. They are so unabashedly proud of having sustained the charade for so long, but even it has been slowly crumbling under the weight of its own impossibly grand metaphor, that not even the mysticism of the roaring 80's can perpetuate any longer.
So there you have it. And knowing is half the battle. Unless that battle were against a ninja, in which case 'knowing' would only amount to you knowing you were already dead.
May the glorious DI debunk-athon begin.
10. The Japanese language can be mastered within a few seasons of Naruto
No, it can't.
I'd write more here, but I'd risk wearing out the m, o, r, and n keys on my keyboard.
9. Japanese people never divorce
One in every four couples in 2007 would kindly like to ask if your source was a microfilm from the city library basement.
8. Japanese people never sue
While civil disagreements may have been closed privately in the past, Japanese people love money just like any other country's citizens. It's just gotten easier as of late. The skin of my teeth is most recent proof of this. So of course they'll sue, you naive bimbo.
7. Japanese politicians are notoriously efficient
Careful not to confuse your stereotype with Japan's last two prime ministers, who are both still collecting unemployment checks after prematurely throwing in the towel. Something about a scandal. Or three.
6. All Japanese people are thin and healthy
Also not true. Ever been to Hawaii? The Japanese people there are hu---ge.
5. Japan is very clean
At a street level, yes, it is. But where do those 50 billion annual tons of trash go? Definitely not forming a conga line to the incinerators, or waltzing on the ships to China, that's for sure.
4. Japanese people struggle with "l" and "r" when speaking English
Actually, not a stereotype because they still do. All the time, and it's totally hirarious.
3. Japan is still the "future"
Faltering domestic technology? Disposable prime ministers? Concrete asphyxiation? Economic bankruptcy? "Urban heat island" effect? Baby, the future ain't what it used to be.
2. All Japanese girls are hot
Um, no. Not since Crocs or burlap made it into the fashion 'zines.
1. All Japanese people are, or at some point, were ninjas
I stand corrected again. This one is 100% true.
Ninja folklore notwithstanding, to me, the most amusing thing about this list, is that these are all images of Japan that Japan itself actively advertises and projects onto the rest of the world, who wouldn't know better. Oh, and when I say that these are stereotypes that I've been "[*] asked about," let me clarify--almost all of these are stereotypes that I've been reminded of by Japanese people. They are so unabashedly proud of having sustained the charade for so long, but even it has been slowly crumbling under the weight of its own impossibly grand metaphor, that not even the mysticism of the roaring 80's can perpetuate any longer.
So there you have it. And knowing is half the battle. Unless that battle were against a ninja, in which case 'knowing' would only amount to you knowing you were already dead.
4.29.2008
Golden brown (200th post)
Stereotype: Japanese people stay so thin because everything they put in their mouths is healthy. And fishy. And sometimes raw.
Truth: Compared to the percentage of their fellow countrymen who are not, a greater percentage of Japanese people manage to stay thin because their lifestyles simply call for it. More commuting via bike, more walking than driving and parking, more pimp-slapping giant crustaceans from outer space, etc. Unfortunately though, even this is slowly being offset by 'heavy' influences from the west--most noticeable in Japanese food, which isn't nearly as healthy and wholesome as everybody wants to believe it is.
How about a new stereotype then? All Japanese food is actually fried. Crisp and flaky on the outside, moist and delicious on the inside; fish or fowl, entrails, appendages of every sort, or just good old breast meat, Japan knows how to fry with golden brown impunity. Forget about the raw fish/chicken/horse Asian cuisine that has everybody talking, if it's fried, it's in Japan. And probably delicious.
Anecdotal proof? After spending a week with my brother in Hawaii (a group of islands that may very well be deep-fried themselves), and basking in the respective glories of half-pound hamburgers, wet burritos, deep-dish pizza, onion rings, ranch dressing, bottled root beer, and other such "kamehameha" sucker punches that surprised my unsuspecting colon, I thought it would be nice to meet with some friends and load up on greens upon arriving back in Okayama. So, we hit up a quiet cafe/izakaiya type place above street level and set about ordering.
What was the first item to arrive at our table?
Fried chicken cartilage.
I rest my flimsy case.
Truth: Compared to the percentage of their fellow countrymen who are not, a greater percentage of Japanese people manage to stay thin because their lifestyles simply call for it. More commuting via bike, more walking than driving and parking, more pimp-slapping giant crustaceans from outer space, etc. Unfortunately though, even this is slowly being offset by 'heavy' influences from the west--most noticeable in Japanese food, which isn't nearly as healthy and wholesome as everybody wants to believe it is.
How about a new stereotype then? All Japanese food is actually fried. Crisp and flaky on the outside, moist and delicious on the inside; fish or fowl, entrails, appendages of every sort, or just good old breast meat, Japan knows how to fry with golden brown impunity. Forget about the raw fish/chicken/horse Asian cuisine that has everybody talking, if it's fried, it's in Japan. And probably delicious.
Anecdotal proof? After spending a week with my brother in Hawaii (a group of islands that may very well be deep-fried themselves), and basking in the respective glories of half-pound hamburgers, wet burritos, deep-dish pizza, onion rings, ranch dressing, bottled root beer, and other such "kamehameha" sucker punches that surprised my unsuspecting colon, I thought it would be nice to meet with some friends and load up on greens upon arriving back in Okayama. So, we hit up a quiet cafe/izakaiya type place above street level and set about ordering.
What was the first item to arrive at our table?
Fried chicken cartilage.
I rest my flimsy case.
4.18.2008
Further proof
WYWS Edition
* April is an insanely busy time of year in Japan. It's the traditional end and/or beginning to all the boring economic and societal structures that fit inside a 12 month period (the fiscal year, the academic year, job tenures, passing of gallstones, etc.). I hoped to escape the insanity by feigning insanity; hiding under my desk, blowing bubbles with my spit and wearing old granny panties on my head. Alas, the ploy failed. I was soon dragged out by my bare ankles, and appointed as a homeroom teacher--swift punishment for my crazy insubordination.
Me.
A homeroom teacher. After months upon months of suspicion, with all the subtlety of a baptist minister sex scandal, it is clear that our school's higher ups have lost their goddamn marbles. I haven't been entirely thrilled with having been a teacher for the past year, so you can only imagine the four-letter vernacular ballet I've been perfecting the past week or so. From a hastily composed email sent the day I found out:
Kinda like...uhm...dating a girl for a while who you're kinda on the fence over, and then the night you're walking to her house to break up with her, she sends you an ecstatic text message announcing that she's pregnant. And moving in. And bringing her cats.
It's not the commitment that bothers me, it's the responsibility. Among other things. And yes, I'm aware that the two are one and the same. Shut up.
* April also marks the "falling man season." Similar to the bothersome rainy season that soaks June and July, graduation ceremonies are often emphatically punctuated by Japanese youth, so overjoyed to surrender their personal freedoms to the working Man, that they heave themselves from gymnasium roofs, and lecture hall balconies, in a massive, preemptive salaryman coup de tat. "Come for the celebration, stay for the police statement" they always say.
Ah, Spring in Japan...
* Old Mrs. Kobayashi is pissed. And extremely frail, apparently.
3.25.2008
Going to be a cowboy in the end
Last week, I requested two extra vacation days to extend my hilarious joke of a Spring "break" to five days. What started as only a single piece of paper, turned into a weeklong ordeal involving permission across multiple departments, multiple signature stamps, and multiple head bashing sessions into my desk. When they couldn't possibly find any more glaring omissions or punctuation errors on my request form, the principal decided that my reason for the request ("vacation time") was too specific, and should be changed as so not to invoke jealousy in the other teachers who voluntarily work 60 hour weeks with no overtime, and minimal vacation.
Jealousy!?
Ah, all my bullshit pet-peeves make so much more sense now:
* Employees are encouraged to stay as late as possible, because leaving the office before 6:00 might make others jealous of your wildly exciting personal life.
* It's considered extremely rude to walk and eat at the same time. I can only assume this is because exhibiting the graceful coordination required to eat and walk at the same time is a vulgar display of power, that would make anyone jealous.
Strangely enough, walking and drinking alcohol at the same time is not considered to rude, because no one will ever be jealous of the guy puking his brains out into a station garbage bin.
* Males must never take their shirts off in public, regardless of physical activity or heat index. This is obviously to keep Japanese women from becoming too jealous of the opposite sex's breast size.
* Despite being culturally accepted in other Asian countries, belching in Japan is considered a gross and foul offence. Because god forbid you enjoyed supper more than the person sitting next to you.
* Rather than to minimize embarrassment (contrary to popular belief), pharmaceutical or hygienic items must always be wrapped, then carefully bagged at the checkout. An educated assumption says that this must be to keep onlookers from being jealous for how often you must shower/do laundry/shave armpits/treat hemorrhoids/have sex/clip toenails/wipe ass.
Whelp, it's been a long year. This 'Japan' thing makes me tired and unjustly irritated. Makes all of us tired in ways we couldn't imagine--and rightfully so. Glad to be getting off this island for a few days.
Oh yeah, go buy the new Counting Crows album.
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