If Hardees had a heart, it'd be clogged

Coming from a nation that actively censors its regular porn in mosaics, and its food porn in seaweed, squid flavoring, and soy sauce, I have a lot of admiration for any company that says "Shut up haters! America has an international reputation to uphold, and we'll be damned if we're not there to smother it in sausage gravy!"

Almost brings a tear to my eye, as I nibble on these delicious wasabi rice crackers.

Tsuyu Hell

News In Briefs:
WYWS Edition
* Japan is currently wet and rainy, and will be for at least another week or so. This, among a sizable number of other trivial things, annoys me to no end.

* My eyes are out of shape. After spending the last two weeks with the exchange kids, I didn't have time for PS3. Finally logged on last night, checked my messages, downloaded some videos, and then bought the epileptic seizure-inducing Super Stardust HD before playing it for two hours straight.
I can barely see this morning.

* In light of certain scandalous events, I'm cracking open one final box of instant yakisoba for lunch today. Sure, it's not Japan, but if something this big breaks in China, an industry audit of the rest of Asia is sure to follow. We always joked about my noodles being made of cardboard, but I never had much reason to actually believe anyone. Just keep the snooping J-FDA blokes away from my melon pans--the one Japanese thing I outright refuse to give up.

* I just read something on CNN's digital toilet rag about the launch of another expedition into Amelia Earhart's disappearance. There's nothing particularly striking or inspiring about the article, save for the mention of giant man-eating crabs, which hints at the cause for Ms. Earhart's untimely demise. Check back for future CNN headlines:
"Aviation Pioneer Earhart Devoured by Crabs. Case Closed After 70 Years."
Am I the only one who finds this totally awesome?

* Frampton, Brian, and I will climb Mt. Fuji tomorrow night. The most current plan, is as follows:
We'll meet in Shizuoka on Saturday morning, and hit the Eastern Subashiri trail by late afternoon. We expect to make a steady climb, then sleep a few hours in the evening around the 7th or 8th station, before closing out the last leg of the trek to the summit at 3776 meters. Barring heavy rains, frostbitten appendages, or general incompetence, our goal is to be on the summit to catch Sunday morning's rising sun spilling out over the sea of clouds below us.
We are, however, still nervously expecting some entirely unforeseen element to thoroughly shit all over our "carefully" laid plans for the climb.

** UPDATE **
While I'm already planning on sending one to my family, anyone else who would like a postcard (snarky message or nonsensical Monty Python quote optional) mailed to them from the top of the world, can send me an email with their home mailing address (reach me here), by 8pm, July 13, Eastern Standard Time.

** UPDATE II **
Son. Of. A. Bitch. Just as planned, the "entirely unforeseen element" that has "thoroughly shit" on tomorrow's trek, is typhoon "Man Yi" currently sucking and blowing its way across Japan. It is expected to conveniently peter out shortly after we were hoping to make our ascent. Brian is desperate. Not even an act of god will affect his resolve, for he is foolishly prepared to crawl to the summit. I kindly tell him to lower his voice, and to 'put the lamp down.'
More updates after I find something to break.

** UPDATE III (7/15) **
We've got a break in the weather (re: a hole in the storm), and we're going to go for it. A crapshot though--at best, but aren't most hail marys? Come hell, or high water marauding godzilla, Fuji either goes down now, or never.
Wish us luck.

'Integrity' starts with 'I'

Resistance: Fall of Man makes me mad.

Today, it's different though. Today, it's over an article posted on CNN.com written by the gaming geniuses over at the associated press, regarding the Church of England, electronics giant Sony, granny panties, and some very large knots. The best part about the CNN version? How it differs, ever-so-slightly from the BBC version.

"...a virtual shootout between rival gunmen..."
"...hundreds of people killed inside the cathedral..."

Nice. Award-winning coverage, assholes. I can almost see the hand grenades sailing into the pews.* At least the BBC version was just the usual slant ("This is a PSA from the BBC: Your kids are firing guns in church!"). This CNN version however, is just another classic piece of blatant idiocy on game coverage in mainstream media. It doesn't matter which numbskull ("I've never played the game before, but I heard some priests are real pissed about it. Shit, this article is gonna write itself!") 'wrote' it this time--it assumes the same blind slant as usual, but impressively adds an additional spin.
Now, I know it's a real hoot to be an SME on everything under the sun, and that there's no need to check your facts because "gamers don't read CNN," but what happens when they do, and your little story is found to be ass-backwards?
If you had done your homework and followed through on a basic journalistic obligation before shitting all over your keyboard, you would have found that:

* The Manchester 'cathedral' scenario in question, is a 10 minute segment of a ten hour game, and not a ten hour segment of your latest media scapegoat.

* I assume that by "rival gunmen," you meant "otherworldly rival mutants bent on the destruction of humankind," rather than the implied back alley gang-bangers with handguns.

* The "hundreds of people" in question are actually an alien race, comprised of little four-legged creatures, who, moments later, are joined by some vaguely people-shaped two-legged creatures, before the player exits the church entirely.

Even in the journalism classes that I barely passed, I always knew that it was critical to "know your audience." Inserting tripe like "rival gunmen" and "hundreds of people" shows that in sensationalist news, you 'know' your audience will eat this shit up. Congratulations. You got an associates degree in "Journalism 101." Maybe a sad sign of the times. Or maybe a sign that the author is a lazy sellout--I'm not sure which.

This isn't about defending the game, or the medium that I so enjoy; rather it's about calling out the "professionals" on their deliberate bias and an ignorance that they know the general public is going to believe. I mean, shit--it's on CNN, how couldn't it be true?

My only question now is, who annoys me more? The Church of England? Or CNN?
And they say gamers are the ones who can't discern fantasy from reality.






* Reminds me of a Pentecostal church we used to go to.